Saturday, December 24, 2011

It finally feels like Christmas

Me and my friend the Grinch!

Okay so I'll admit it!  I've been feeling a little Grinchy this year.  I didn't want to put up the Christmas decorations.  The only reason they got up was because my cute girls Liz and Amanda helped me one day and we did it all at once and in a hurry and whatever got left behind never made an appearance this year.  I didn't want to shop for presents.  As far as I could tell no one in our family needed a  thing!  I knew I wouldn't be sending out cards this year, if I did it would only say, "Meh!" I think if I could have I would have stopped Christmas from coming, just like the Grinch!  

To be fair it has been a most difficult year for our family.  We have had so many challenges it has been tough to keep putting one foot in front of another.  We have dealt with death, open heart surgery, stage 4 cancer diagnosis and much, much more.  When things like that are happening it is hard to think about anything but the situation at hand.

We decided to run away for Christmas and went with my sister and her family to Hawaii,  a great distraction for their first Christmas without their Dad, arriving home the day before Christmas Eve.  Hawaii had done nothing to put me in the Christmas mood but here I was facing a house full of guests and family expecting all of the usual Christmas traditions.  

I sat down that night to watch The Christmas Box with my sweet almost 87 year old mother,  visiting from Seattle.  It occurred to me that this may be her last Christmas.  She reached out and put her hand on my leg and I took her hand and she began to cry.  I put my arm around her to comfort her the best I could.   We watched the movie together,  tears rolling  down both our cheeks by the end.  

Later as I sat in prayerful meditation at the end of the evening, I felt the most beautiful heart opening as I thanked my Father in Heaven for these life experiences.  As hard as they are sometimes they give way to the most exquisite moments.  Some are exquisite with JOY and others are exquisite with PAIN but each one makes me who I am.  What's more important is they make me more who I want to become.  I would not have traded a moment........okay, maybe there was a moment or two I would like to have traded.....but not really.  Which one would I have traded?  Holding our still born baby granddaughter for the first and last time, sitting with my brother-in-law as we waited for my sister to come out of surgery,  breathing with another sister as her husband lay dying even though we were miles apart.  

As I learned in my yoga class today Christmas Eve has a huge amount of heart chakra energy.  I truly felt it last night.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son."  I am so grateful for that selfless gift.  I am grateful that my own heart is learning to love the way that God loves.  

Welcome Christmas
Fah who rah-moose
Welcome Christmas
Dah who dah-moose
Welcome Christmas
While we stand
Heart to heart
And hand in hand

Fah who for-aze
Dan who dor-aze
Welcome welcome


Syl MA said...

Beautiful! Just like the Lovely Karen!

The Bodhi Blogger said...

Mmmm, thank you for that.

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